There is trap that we all fall into at times and that is the “I will feel good enough when” trap.
I’ll feel good about myself…
When I lose the weight
When I get the job or the clients or the career moves I want
When I attract the perfect partner
When I live in the perfect neighborhood
When I achieve- you name your goal
But what if it is exactly the opposite? We feel good enough and good comes into our lives.
What is most interesting about this is that the “good” we tend to create when we feel good already is a much better match up in creating our true happiness then we are feeling poorly about ourselves.
My client “Carol” had a great job at Microsoft. She didn’t think she wanted a different or better job when we started working together. She was in a relationship she thought was the man of her dreams too, but it was very turbulent and stressful. All of this wasn’t why she hired me. She hired me to lose weight.
In the process of addressing her underlying stress, lifestyle habits and deeply held beliefs that contributed to her food habits not only did she relatively effortlessly decide to end the current relationship but within a few short months someone entirely new came into her life! Without “trying” or “looking” at all. In fact it was a real surprise to her. This new person was someone who made her extremely happy and there was little stress in the relationship. He was a much better fit.
She also made the decision that yes, her current job was awesome but not quite right. She wanted to be more creative and change her schedule a bit to suit her new lifestyle that included less stress and more pleasure! Within a week she had a new position that was very suited to her new needs. The little side benefit (though she was already happy with her salary in the old position) was that the new position paid a lot more.
There were many other changes in her life too, one of which was selling her house that she hadn’t felt right in in a long time and finding a much better house for her- a project that had been on the back burner for years.
Her boundaries with her children improved and she felt much more confident and peaceful in those relationships as well- again without a lot of effort.
All of this while working on “weight loss.”
What is interesting to me is that this is all common with my clients. Life starts to transform around them to create more joy. It doesn’t really matter what isn’t working or needs to change to do that, it will. It happens without enormous effort too which is really amazing I think.
Weight loss is never about the weight in my opinion.
Weight is about the built up stress, anxiety, fears and beliefs we have created about what is or isn’t possible that we don’t even know we are carrying around but live with like it’s all just “true.”
Carol’s stress came from situations in her current life. Her kids, her job, her house, and her relationship.
The root causes of course to why these situations were in the state they were came from her beliefs about what was ok for her. She wasn’t good at recognizing her own needs, desires and feeling confident enough in her personal life to speak about them. This was a very successful and powerful woman out in her career, but again in her personal life things weren’t as easy.
Her beliefs about what was ok for her came directly from her relationship with her parents. The trick was to clear and transform those deeply held feelings and beliefs through a combination of EFT-Emotional Freedom Techniques and Matrix Re-imprinting.
Insight is not enough to transform these early subconscious programs. Our self worth, what we believe we deserve or do not deserve, what we are allowed to do or not do is all programed relatively early on in many cases and it can be totally changed with the right tools.
Change can in fact be relatively effortless and magical when we do this.
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