Are there hidden (unconscious) benefits to staying stuck?
I think that there is no one immune to having periods in our lives where procrastination kicks in but what about when we never seem to get out of procrastination?
- This can look like wanting to start a business for years but never doing the things required to get started.
- Wanting to resolve a relationship issue but never really doing it.
- Wanting to lose weight but constantly sabotaging with over-eating or binges… especially when you have just started to get back on track again.
Often there are hidden benefits to staying “stuck” that are unconscious
While on the outside looking in this can seem obvious when we look at someone else’s life but when we look at our own it is always invisible to us– or we would not be stuck.
Here are some of the most common hidden benefits of staying stuck that I have seen over the years working with people to get un-stuck in many areas of their lives. Once you know where you are stuck and use EFT tapping to work through the subconscious layers of emotion involved, change will happen effortlessly and quickly but often not before then.
- Avoiding feeling the fear of something that might happen if you take action and make the change you’ve been wanting. Common fears for starting a new career are conflicts with relationships, fear of failure, fear of success, fear of being visible, fear of worth, beliefs about money and abilities, and comfort zones around identity. Common fears with weight for women often have to do with men and sexuality, identity, and many other things related to this. Common fears with relationship are often about identity, worth and survival. One very common example for how this operates is when a woman will automatically start to gain weight when she starts to get attention from men again (after losing some weight) and get’s uncomfortable. The weight has a hidden benefit, protection in this case.
- The feeling that we might disappoint, upset, or challenge anyone important to us if we change in some significant way. Often success has a lot to do with who we feel it is important to. This is totally unconscious in many cases and has roots deep into our childhoods. We are often strongly influenced toward our goals both positively and negatively from key figures to us in childhood. This can be anyone from parents, grandparents, coaches, teachers, etc. We are often not conscious of just how much we do not wish to receive the judgement from our friends, community or key figures from our childhoods. What will they think of us if we make x amount of money doing y? Is this ok or not for them, and how will we be judged? I have several clients who pursued careers they hated all because it was “correct” for the key figures in their pasts and when they launched something totally new and different they felt liberated but…uncomfortable and ultimately went into self sabotage because of all the internal self criticism. This plays out in relationships and weight of course too. An example with weight is not wanting to upset any other people with similar habits in their lives, make anyone jealous, or feel challenged in any way.
- The fear of success. Ultimately there is really no such thing as a fear of failure but a massive fear of success. How do I know? The way to find out if this is blocking you in any way is merely to picture yourself having massive success with a goal. Picture yourself giving that Ted talk. Picture yourself at your goal weight. Picture yourself making the amount of money doing what you love. What negative thoughts come up right as you think it? In my experience, many people will have a lot of negative thoughts come up when imagining a big important goal for them if they are stuck, or they would not be stuck! Those negative thoughts aren’t nothing. They are the gatekeepers to our freedom and success. That is their only job and they are doing it well when we are stuck.
Ultimately all hidden reasons for staying stuck are there for very good reasons that merely need to be addressed properly and at the subconscious roots in order to freely move forward.
Living with purpose and peace and to our true heart’s desires is the only real goal.
What if all that remains is to let go of everything in the way of that? Tapping and the processes I’ve been using for over 8 years with clients is the most powerful method I’ve discovered to do this yet.