In the world of EFT and alternative techniques to access the subconscious belief patterns that keep us stuck, many people think that fear will just magically disappear one day when we’ve tapped or worked on enough of our negative beliefs and past issues.
But what if success is often just right outside of our comfort zones and that isn’t a bad thing? Hear me out goddess.
You see fear is a liar and a way to put up a big distraction cloud around whatever we say we want. We can spend eons in that cloud coming up with very good reasons not to do anything at all! It’s really amazing. Sometimes we can even use tapping as a form of distraction I think.
Here’s how this can work.
We say we want to do something like lose weight, eat healthier, exercise or start that new business. I’m using these specific examples because, well, these are the main goals my clients have of course. (Interestingly I think all of my clients are wanting to start either a new business or get an existing business off the ground, so I like to call myself the best kept secret in business coaching. And it’s true. My clients do very well with money and business goals if they work with me long enough.)
However, if we are taking steps forward and then taking just as many or more backward every time we get into action or try to get into action, something is in the way.
What is that something?
Commonly fears such as what others may think of us, getting attention or being the center of attention, inadequacy, feeling not good enough and worth come up.
But are these fears true? They may feel true and very real to us, but why? Is it necessary to tap for every single thing to move forward?
Experiences from the past shape how we see ourselves of course and often we have long forgotten the causative experiences that shaped our subconscious beliefs as they were created so long ago.
There are two steps to release these fears.
The first is to release the trapped emotion or even trauma around specific experiences that created a current fear. Understanding often comes later in my experience, after clearing the emotional charge we have “stored” if you will around that particular experience.
The next thing that has to happen often is a significant reframing of how we perceive ourselves.
Recently a client I worked with had the interesting experience of having no experiences with which to shape a current goal around! How do we release a negative experience and reframe it where no experience at all existed?
She had been rather protected as a child and had never had any significant experiences that challenged or tested her it seemed. This was an interesting predicament. She was afraid to step out into an unknown outside of her rather large comfort zone.
In fact it seemed, her entire life was shaped from living within a comfort zone.
Does this sound familiar?
I think we all do this in many ways without even knowing it, but when it comes to doing things that give us deeper satisfaction often we must stretch outside of a comfort zone.
How can someone do this when they have never had that experience at all?
This issue cannot be tapped for unless someone is willing to change first.
Fear is NOT going to go away and if this client were to wait and tap through all that fear first, it would only be a distraction. The goal is to do the things that you feel you can’t and begin to live outside of a comfort zone.
We must choose change and fully embrace it sometimes first. I suppose you could spend an enormous amount of time tapping for being willing to choose to change of course. It was not successful with this particular client.
Perhaps that is the choice then? To never step outside of the perfect comfort zone? But her life was waiting outside of that suffocating zone…
I once many years ago asked a professional musician friend I admired how in the world he got on stage and played for people like he did so frequently. It seemed so vulnerable and scary and like the one thing I just could never do. (He wasn’t a drinker or drug user so he certainly wasn’t self medicating or numbing down in order to get up there). I asked when the fear went away for him and he said, Sandy, the fear never goes away, not even after all these years but I do it anyway because I love it so much I guess.
Exactly.
I never stopped being afraid of my horse in the beginning but I guess my love was stronger than my fear.
I never stopped being afraid of having my own businesses but honestly, my love was way bigger than my fear there too, so I kept going.
I was literally shaking I was so scared the first time I cooked for a celebrity. Shaking. The fear didn’t go away for 10 years of my private chef career cooking to stars! (I didn’t know tapping then.)
I have tapped and made things easier in the last 10 years or so that once were horribly hard, but you know what?
Life is not supposed to be devoid of fear! Because fear is the liar that says, hey watch out you might just really enjoy yourself here and feel ALIVE and maybe even make a few mistakes and look like a fool. You might even fail! Sure you want to do this?
I got on stage in front of over 100 people recently and that was relatively new for me. I was so scared, I was shaking and sweating. I was actually dripping sweat. It was horrible. I was tapping like crazy. Still scared. I thought I would forget everything I wanted to say, and of course I had to go on after someone from Oprah’s organization. Oh god.
Do you know what happened?
At the last minute I said, “God take this away from me and let me say what I mean to say. Do it. I accept divine grace now.”
I stopped sweating. I went into “the zone” and I stopped focusing on myself. I thought about my clients and myself and all the women I knew. I thought to myself, who am I to get in the way of this information?
I swear I brought the house down. People were hooting and hollering and screaming “you know it girl!” I mean… it was like a rock concert in there. Over one hundred people standing up and shouting and getting excited.
I simply couldn’t believe it.
A professional well known football player even made a bee line over to me to talk to me in the happy hour break. He wanted to talk to me about his struggles with body image and weight. He confessed so much and tears came to his eyes. We talked for a few hours. I was touched. I simply listened wanting to know his story and what mattered to him.
I had no idea that what I was saying could resonate so powerfully to everyone.
Even after all this time I thought what I had to say might not matter to anyone. Wow right? I was thoroughly wrong.
Best of all, I had fun, felt purposeful and I fell in love with my audience.
The difference I think between those who face fear and those who don’t is that some people want to feel more alive and are willing to do what it takes to have that– even if it means facing the tiger that is simply a kitten in the corner that wants your attention.
When we have enough experiences that tell us that yes in fact, we can face our fears and survive it we will learn to love our fear and excitement and live more fully.
Start small. Do something that scares you today. Feel the discomfort and embrace it. That is where the good stuff is sometimes.
Take that class, talk to that person, wear that dress, be bold. Just do it even if you are sweating and freaking out and have to go on stage after someone from Oprah!
All we have to do is be willing to be just a little bit uncomfortable and want to grow.
Stop trying to tap all the fear away Goddesses and live.
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